{"topic":{"id":14126,"title":"如何看待优绩主义","slug":"topic","categoryId":4,"createdAt":"2025-01-13 15:44:44.15695","bumpedAt":"2025-01-16 06:29:35.125212","views":354,"postsCount":11,"highestPostNumber":11,"likeCount":14,"closed":false,"pinned":false,"pinnedGlobally":false,"pinnedAt":null,"pinnedUntil":null,"isBanner":false,"excerpt":"从小到大成绩 makes me painful 我的的确确不是一个很擅长卷绩点的人但是爸爸妈妈希望我保研，打电话，回家无时不刻不在问我的绩点我很愤怒，但是无能为力","deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"category":{"id":4,"name":"谈笑风生","slug":"general","color":"25AAE2"},"author":{"id":4668,"username":"IO","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/86/f2/86f267c0aaa73835a999b7cc3a7e7a701605574eda9a2c2a56f5ddbbba64d1a9.avif"},"tags":[]},"posts":[{"id":45403,"postNumber":1,"raw":"从小到大成绩 makes me painful\n我的的确确不是一个很擅长卷绩点的人\n但是爸爸妈妈希望我保研，打电话，回家无时不刻不在问我的绩点\n我很愤怒，但是无能为力","cooked":"

从小到大成绩 makes me painful
\n我的的确确不是一个很擅长卷绩点的人
\n但是爸爸妈妈希望我保研，打电话，回家无时不刻不在问我的绩点
\n我很愤怒，但是无能为力

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 15:44:44.358522","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 15:44:44.358522","replyToPostNumber":null,"replyCount":0,"likeCount":0,"wordCount":66,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":4668,"username":"IO","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/86/f2/86f267c0aaa73835a999b7cc3a7e7a701605574eda9a2c2a56f5ddbbba64d1a9.avif","admin":true,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":"","signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45404,"postNumber":2,"raw":"怕你掉队\n![image|377x500](/uploads/image/2a/09/2a096da8f5794677f3c7efe6a9d53b3f96cc8aaf20c6006a00c4c49ce90b1ee9.avif)","cooked":"

怕你掉队
\n $\"image\"$

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 15:51:22.144425","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 15:52:30.298052","replyToPostNumber":null,"replyCount":0,"likeCount":3,"wordCount":5,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[{"reaction":"🤣️","count":1,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"❤️","count":3,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"},{"id":178,"username":"Hypocrisy","name":"rotartsinimdA"},{"id":5077,"username":"Ayato","name":"桃泽"}],"hasReacted":false}],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":650,"username":"AdvisorUploadBot1","name":"AdvisorUploadBot1","avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/02/36/0236028412afac37de85af1c94081c73f9bb07e13e7b33985f171687b0e7508f.avif","admin":false,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":"本账户已完成使命","signatureCooked":"

本账户已完成使命

\n"}},{"id":45407,"postNumber":3,"raw":"[quote=\"shared_user, post:1, topic:14126, username:anonymous_coward\"]\n愤怒\n[/quote]\n\n仇恨和嫉妒是一剂毒药，自己服下却幻想别人晕倒。\n\n正确的做法是和父母沟通，沟通方式应该是平等渐进的（详细参考 negotiation 的原则）如果双方因为沟通能力的欠缺无法达成共识，那么首先检查自己是否会谈判（很多人不具有谈判能力却认为自己具有），LLM 给出的一个样例（若对话容易被打断，可以文字或录音传递给父母）：\n\n> 我明白你们的初衷，社会竞争激烈，希望我能有个好前途，觉得保研是个不错的选择（首先从对方的思路思考，表示对对方的理解，对方才会进入理解和共情你的状态）。\n\n> 但你们的期望和想法让我压力很大，焦虑的情绪事实上降低了我的生活质量（表达自己的感受，为自己下一步的想法铺垫）。\n\n> 今天的局势和过去按成绩分配的情况发生了很大的变化，更加侧重个人实际创造价值的能力，和绩点只有相关性而不是绝对的因果性。我觉得未来有很多可能性。比如，我可以尝试实习、创业，或者在其他领域发展。人心向善，我也在努力提高自己，只是方式可能和你们期望的不太一样，因为我们感知到的世界和对未来的理解是不太一样的。我希望我们能一起商量，找到一个更适合我的方向，而不是只盯着绩点。（表达自己的世界观）\n\n> 我最近在参加 XXX 活动/课程，也在关注 XXX 领域的发展。我觉得这些经历对我未来的帮助很大。我会继续努力，但希望你们能给我一些空间，让我按照自己的节奏来成长。\n\n\n在确保自己学会如何谈判的情况下若发现对方无法进行平等对话，一种可能的尝试：\n\n[quote=\"shared_user, post:1, topic:14126, username:anonymous_coward\"]\n爸爸妈妈希望我保研\n[/quote]\n\n让他们尝试理解你的困境的一种方法是进行语言上的同态变换： “我希望爸爸妈妈升职加薪“这一方法较为危险，容易升级成为对抗，应该情绪稳定时适量使用，核心诉求是让他们理解“己所不欲勿施于人”，尝试改变习惯形成语言上的克制，即遵守“希望一词仅限定于自我主体和客体，而非其他主体”原则。\n\n并且明确指明这一指向其他主体的所谓“希望”源自父母自己的【认命】，是在传递一种矛盾的氛围（这一语言同时包含了消极认命的语义和积极奋斗的语义），矛盾是内耗之源。消极认命和积极奋斗本身是合理的，都是一种自我身份的构建（自我接纳），而矛盾会让人撕裂。\n\n也许有其他的尝试，但若持续感到\n[quote=\"shared_user, post:1, topic:14126, username:anonymous_coward\"]\n无能为力\n[/quote]\n需要思考自己是否具备\n“实践停止回家争取经济独立”的能力（终极解决方案）\n\n日常应该持久坚持的是不以物喜不以己悲的心态和信息节食，有意识地克制筛选自己的信息输入源和输出内容。","cooked":"

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tshared_user:\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n
愤怒
\n

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t

仇恨和嫉妒是一剂毒药，自己服下却幻想别人晕倒。

正确的做法是和父母沟通，沟通方式应该是平等渐进的（详细参考 negotiation 的原则）如果双方因为沟通能力的欠缺无法达成共识，那么首先检查自己是否会谈判（很多人不具有谈判能力却认为自己具有），LLM 给出的一个样例（若对话容易被打断，可以文字或录音传递给父母）：

\n
我明白你们的初衷，社会竞争激烈，希望我能有个好前途，觉得保研是个不错的选择（首先从对方的思路思考，表示对对方的理解，对方才会进入理解和共情你的状态）。
\n

\n
但你们的期望和想法让我压力很大，焦虑的情绪事实上降低了我的生活质量（表达自己的感受，为自己下一步的想法铺垫）。
\n

\n
今天的局势和过去按成绩分配的情况发生了很大的变化，更加侧重个人实际创造价值的能力，和绩点只有相关性而不是绝对的因果性。我觉得未来有很多可能性。比如，我可以尝试实习、创业，或者在其他领域发展。人心向善，我也在努力提高自己，只是方式可能和你们期望的不太一样，因为我们感知到的世界和对未来的理解是不太一样的。我希望我们能一起商量，找到一个更适合我的方向，而不是只盯着绩点。（表达自己的世界观）
\n

\n
我最近在参加 XXX 活动/课程，也在关注 XXX 领域的发展。我觉得这些经历对我未来的帮助很大。我会继续努力，但希望你们能给我一些空间，让我按照自己的节奏来成长。
\n

在确保自己学会如何谈判的情况下若发现对方无法进行平等对话，一种可能的尝试：

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tshared_user:\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n
爸爸妈妈希望我保研
\n

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t

让他们尝试理解你的困境的一种方法是进行语言上的同态变换： “我希望爸爸妈妈升职加薪“这一方法较为危险，容易升级成为对抗，应该情绪稳定时适量使用，核心诉求是让他们理解“己所不欲勿施于人”，尝试改变习惯形成语言上的克制，即遵守“希望一词仅限定于自我主体和客体，而非其他主体”原则。

并且明确指明这一指向其他主体的所谓“希望”源自父母自己的【认命】，是在传递一种矛盾的氛围（这一语言同时包含了消极认命的语义和积极奋斗的语义），矛盾是内耗之源。消极认命和积极奋斗本身是合理的，都是一种自我身份的构建（自我接纳），而矛盾会让人撕裂。

也许有其他的尝试，但若持续感到

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tshared_user:\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n
无能为力
\n

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t

需要思考自己是否具备
\n“实践停止回家争取经济独立”的能力（终极解决方案）

日常应该持久坚持的是不以物喜不以己悲的心态和信息节食，有意识地克制筛选自己的信息输入源和输出内容。

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 16:31:24.736754","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 16:31:24.736754","replyToPostNumber":null,"replyCount":0,"likeCount":1,"wordCount":958,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[{"reaction":"💯️","count":1,"users":[{"id":5151,"username":"Soyo34325","name":"Soyo34325"}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"❤️","count":1,"users":[{"id":5151,"username":"Soyo34325","name":"Soyo34325"}],"hasReacted":false}],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":4668,"username":"IO","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/86/f2/86f267c0aaa73835a999b7cc3a7e7a701605574eda9a2c2a56f5ddbbba64d1a9.avif","admin":true,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":"","signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45410,"postNumber":4,"raw":"把他们抖音/快手/头条/知乎/b 站/小红书主页讲成绩讲工资的都点个不感兴趣，然后多搜点年轻人诉苦和优绩失败的点点喜欢","cooked":"

把他们抖音/快手/头条/知乎/b 站/小红书主页讲成绩讲工资的都点个不感兴趣，然后多搜点年轻人诉苦和优绩失败的点点喜欢

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 16:45:56.84953","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 16:45:56.84953","replyToPostNumber":null,"replyCount":3,"likeCount":6,"wordCount":57,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[{"reaction":"🤣️","count":2,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"},{"id":299,"username":"sola","name":null}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"❤️","count":6,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"},{"id":178,"username":"Hypocrisy","name":"rotartsinimdA"},{"id":299,"username":"sola","name":null},{"id":1411,"username":"lwe","name":null},{"id":5077,"username":"Ayato","name":"桃泽"},{"id":5905,"username":"PipaQinse233","name":"PipaQinse233"}],"hasReacted":false}],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":601,"username":"m0rsun","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/37/7f/377f4ae853850691ab959270f01d52509ee07caf808041ddb0ab22488a0e9f85.avif","admin":false,"moderator":true,"signatureRaw":null,"signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45411,"postNumber":5,"raw":"舆论操控大师，天生的宣传部长","cooked":"

舆论操控大师，天生的宣传部长

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 16:54:26.391082","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 16:54:26.391082","replyToPostNumber":4,"replyCount":1,"likeCount":4,"wordCount":14,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[{"reaction":"mingyao","count":1,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"magic_wand_grin","count":1,"users":[{"id":601,"username":"m0rsun","name":null}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"rolling_on_the_floor_laughing_kissing_heart","count":1,"users":[{"id":1628,"username":"Lorange","name":"主治医师李大华"}],"hasReacted":false},{"reaction":"❤️","count":4,"users":[{"id":30,"username":"一只玉米人","name":"玉米🌽"},{"id":346,"username":"hoist","name":null},{"id":601,"username":"m0rsun","name":null},{"id":1628,"username":"Lorange","name":"主治医师李大华"}],"hasReacted":false}],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":4668,"username":"IO","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/86/f2/86f267c0aaa73835a999b7cc3a7e7a701605574eda9a2c2a56f5ddbbba64d1a9.avif","admin":true,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":"","signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45412,"postNumber":6,"raw":"https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV19yrrYEEcK/\n实验表明，打破信息茧房接触反向的观点会让人的观点更加极化，\n[Exposure to opposing views on social media can increase political polarization https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30154168/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30154168/)\n\n解决问题只有两个方法\n（1）开放的心态，同理心和自发的对对立观点的好奇心，对不同观点的整合能力\n（2）战争","cooked":"

\n $\"\"$ \n Bilibili\n

\n $\"\"$ \n

我们真的要打破信息茧房吗｜社交媒体与政治极化 & 回音室效应

哈喽大家好呀！这期我们主要关注社交媒体与美国政治极化现象，介绍《打破社交媒体棱镜》这本书中一个非常有趣的社会学实验：发现让人们走出信息茧房，会让他们变得更加极化。快来一起看看吧！\n\nPS. 非常感谢大家上期这么多的鼓励和支持，你们的建议我也都有看到：这期新购入了三脚架，做了字幕校对，也加快了一点语速，希望你们喜欢。欢迎大家提出自己的看法和建议，我也会继续加油，一起变得更棒！\n别忘了点赞投币收藏转发（求求hhh）\n\nANES网站：https://electionstudies.org/\n主要参考文献:\n《打破社交媒体棱镜：探寻网络政治极化的根源》克里斯·贝尔著\n\nBail CA, Argyle LP, Brown TW, Bumpus JP, Chen H, Hunzaker MBF, Lee J, Mann M, Merhout F, Volfovsky A. Exposure to opposing views on social media can increase political polarization. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2018 Sep 11;115(37):9216-9221. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1804840115. Epub 2018 Aug 28. PMID: 30154168; PMCID: PMC6140520.\n\nNewman, N., Fletcher, R., Levy, D. A. L., & Nielsen, R. K. (2016). Digital news report 2016. Oxford. \nRetrieved from http://reutersinstitute.politics.ox.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Digital-News-Report- \n2016.pdf\n\n依旧是感谢创作团队：\n\n文案&汇报：溪知\n摄影：Sinc\n剪辑：星澜 & 溪知

\n实验表明，打破信息茧房接触反向的观点会让人的观点更加极化，\n[Exposure to opposing views on social media can increase political polarization https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30154168/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30154168/)\n

解决问题只有两个方法
\n（1）开放的心态，同理心和自发的对对立观点的好奇心，对不同观点的整合能力
\n（2）战争

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 16:56:49.240806","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 17:04:28.98209","replyToPostNumber":4,"replyCount":0,"likeCount":0,"wordCount":89,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[],"wiki":false,"version":2,"publicVersion":2,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":4148,"username":"sad-dharma-vipralopa","name":"Echo est ubi sum","avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/fd/e3/fde3022e639c0b35239b5c831c0f8ea3600eceb69353bcc2fb5e795f79d789ca.avif","admin":false,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":null,"signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45413,"postNumber":7,"raw":"为了避免产生焦虑情绪，我已经卸载了小红书/小黑盒，抖音只留着和朋友续火花，天天就刷胶带门和某乎还有 B 站","cooked":"

为了避免产生焦虑情绪，我已经卸载了小红书/小黑盒，抖音只留着和朋友续火花，天天就刷胶带门和某乎还有 B 站

\n","createdAt":"2025-01-13 17:01:28.207484","updatedAt":"2025-01-13 17:01:28.207484","replyToPostNumber":4,"replyCount":1,"likeCount":0,"wordCount":51,"liked":false,"bookmarked":false,"polls":[],"reactions":[],"wiki":false,"version":1,"publicVersion":1,"deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"user":{"id":4668,"username":"IO","name":null,"avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/86/f2/86f267c0aaa73835a999b7cc3a7e7a701605574eda9a2c2a56f5ddbbba64d1a9.avif","admin":true,"moderator":false,"signatureRaw":"","signatureCooked":null}},{"id":45415,"postNumber":8,"raw":"金载圭姐姐 :grinning:","cooked":"

金载圭姐姐 😀

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xhs 已经被我调教到只推各路工作/科研岗位了爽

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忠！诚！

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父母很难说服，你可以多说说，但如果发现不能交流就想办法逃离，减少打电话频率和时间表现出自己很忙的样子，这样至少自己好受一点。
\n还有一个可以在和父母发生冲突的时候把自己不喜欢竞争这一点联系在原生家庭上，让他们知道是他们过于强势才使你不喜欢竞争（一些减少自己内耗但让父母内耗的小手段)

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